hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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