Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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