woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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