I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
