yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
