yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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