Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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