its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
do herpes really smell.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
