I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
