oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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