I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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