Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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