I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
