I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
