Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
