He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
