We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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