nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
