I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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