You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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