is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
