Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
