I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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