foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck me I smell like cheese
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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