Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
