If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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