My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
