The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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