Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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