My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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