Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
