He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
