She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
