why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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