It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
