when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
