he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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