i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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