party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
