At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He did a backflip because drugs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
