Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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