Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you had me at cake vodka
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
