i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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