I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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