do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
