this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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