hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
