I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
