I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
