Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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