so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
