Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
