I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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