i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
