How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
