she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
