Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
