Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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