who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would ride that face into the sunset
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
