you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Randomize
