I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
