she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry about my life...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Damn victory sex feels great
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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