I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
