I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
