I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
