lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
