Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
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