I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
