Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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