so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
