I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
