how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
