I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
