: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
