Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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