hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
