Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
