It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
