I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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