Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
