i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
