she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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