I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
