I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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