just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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