My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
