i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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