No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
being pregnant is like rehab
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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