Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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