Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
