$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
