wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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